You’re allowed to scream, but you’re not allowed to give up

 

SARA (1)

They say we should take more time to do things that make us happy. But what if being happy means you have to be sad and lonely first?

As some of you may know, I have been unemployed for over month already and, let me tell you this, it hasn’t been easy at all. I decided to resign from my position in retail, mainly because I wanted to focus more on writing and finding my path in the editorial field.

So far, it’s been damn hard.

I am not going to lie, there have been days when all I wanted to do was just shut the blinds and hide under the covers. Everybody was at work, so my social life was reduced to zero and my will to work was practically non-existent.

But, there also have been days where I’ve spent all my time writing applications, composing cover letters and re-designing my CV to match job requirements. And those are the days I am most proud of.

Many have said that being in London gave me an extra chance to get the job of my dreams and pursue the career I always wanted. But what they didn’t tell me was that it’s okay to fail, that it’s okay to have to start over, because London is also a big city. A city with a supersaturated market, where the competition is bigger than I could possibly image, and in order to get what I wanted, I need to work with all my strength, to show passion and initiative, and also, to have a little luck.

I was going the other day over my emails and applications ,and I’ve realised I’ve reached number 150, many cups of tea and coffee, hundreds of cover letter drafts and many anxiety levels.

At some point last week, I was feeling so down, I just thought ‘Maybe this isn’t for me. Maybe I’m not that good and maybe I am just wasting my time and theirs’. 

I closed the laptop in frustration and pushed everything aside and I cried. I don’t think I ever cried that hard in my life, nor that loud. It hid me hard and cold: you just have to keep going. 

I remember moving to London four years ago with endless dreams and started manuscripts in my bags, hoping to become the next J.K. Rowling. I was naive to think that I will just simply fit it, that it’s going to be easy, that I won’t have to fight my way through life. But now, after many stories written and read, blog posts, late night researches, interviews, life experiences, breakups, I have realised that I am enough.

I have realised that no matter what happens, I just have to keep going. I have learnt that being strong means to hold on to my own dreams and fight with everything it takes to fulfil them because at the end of the day, I will be the only one to benefit from them.

And that’s what all of you should know: that no matter where you’re from, what religion you are or what skin colour you have, you are enough in your own way. It’s not an easy fight, but it will be all worth it in the end. It’s not about the destination, but about the journey you decide to take to discover what you’re really made of.

What about you guys? How do you keep going on?

Love,

Csilla x

 

 

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