Sunday mornings and anxiety

It’s been a while (again) since I have actually sat down and written something, so here I go again with my ranting about things.

One thing, in particular.

So I’ve had to buy my tickets to fly back home yesterday, and trust me, it was no fun. Although I love traveling and I have zero issues with getting on a plane, the whole planning process before it’s a hell of a nightmare.

For those of you who have no idea what I am talking about, it’s called Generalized Anxiety Disorder and it affects roughly about 30% of adults in their life and it basically generates excessive worrying, restlessness, muscle tension, and the symptoms usually appear during minor matters, such as, in this case, buying plane tickets.

For those of you already familiar with lovely feeling, welcome aboard, I salute you!

So, back to the point in question.

At some point yesterday afternoon I decided that it’s actually time to buy my tickets to fly home ( *la best friend is getting maaaaarried*) before they got expensive af and I was already planning this scenario in my head:

  1. Check the bank account
  2. Double-check the days you’ve booked off work
  3. Check the calendar – again
  4. Open Skyscanner
  5. Oh wait, I need to re-check the days I actually will fly out
  6. Also, where should I fly? Cluj or Debrecen? Which one is closer?
  7. Is it going to be too expensive?
  8. Breathe, breathe, breathe
  9. You’re doing fine.
  10. Breathe, breathe, breathe
  11. You can get these tickets, you’ve done it a million times before
  12. Okay, fine, let’s do this.

And then, my heart started racing like crazy, my palms were sweaty and I decided to just close off the web browser. But then I realised I ACTUALLY NEEDED TO BUY THE TICKETS, so back to the matter at hand.

After carefully calculating how much would it cost me to buy separately the tickets: one way and then return compared to a return ticket and checking the landing times, I decided I will just be reckless and book the tickets, hoping that all the personal details entered were correct and that the departing and landing times match the days in the calendar.

So, one hour and twenty minutes later, my heart stopped racing, the tickets were bought. (*YAY*). I informed la bestie that pretty much is everything sorted and that was it.

I know that this sounds a little bit exaggerating to some of you, but this is how it genuinely feels to do some of the little things in life.

For some, is just as easy as breathing, but for others, it can get quite stressful.

Are any of you feeling the same when booking traveling tickets? What is your thought process? I would love to find out!

In the mean time, just breathe.

Love,

Csilla x

Travel Trip Map Direction Exploration Planning Concept

 

Not so late-night thoughts

leadership-is-not-about-titles-positions-or-flowcharts-it-is-about-one-life-influencing-another-%e2%80%95-john-c-maxwell

It feels like forever since I last posted something that was going through my mind. But tonight, it feels more like I have several levels of thoughts going on.

Firstly, I am finally coming to terms with the fact that the world is not as lovely as I thought and that you can find mean people everywhere. But that doesn’t mean that you have to stop working for your dreams or that you have to outwit someone just to feel better.

As human beings, I believe we have to be better everyday. Better to each other, better at doing things, better at believing in ourselves. Because if we are not better, then what is there left for us?  For the past few years everything has been changing at an increasing speed – sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse.

I never thought I would experience a world where there is war, a world where innocent people are being hurt, but oh, I was so naive. I grew up believing that everybody has something good and positive to offer.  I thought everybody had a story that can teach us something meaningful and good, but now, as I am in my almost mid 20s, I realise that we’ve become so selfish and we’ve put aside our sense of loving and caring and made space for fights that shouldn’t be fought or for technology that should bring us closer rather than divide us.

Then, there is other thing.

I realised I have stopped doing the things I liked because I was to busy to live. Not to necessarily enjoy the life, but to live as plainly and as ordinarily as possible. I became the person I promised never to become: dull, caught in the daily routine, too tired to smile a little more. But now, I’ve made a promise to myself,one that will get me through the days with a meaning, with a true meaning. I will enjoy more sunrises and rains, more outdoor activities, more books, more time spent with friends and family.

We are often stuck in this circle of life and it takes quite some time to realise we haven’t exactly achieved something. I think that the true meaning of having lived is when you wake up in the morning and no matter how many responsibilities lie ahead, you can smile and believe in yourself.

That’s the most important part; being at peace with yourself, with what you can offer and with how you can become a better person.

Oh, and did I mention that sometimes the people around you are those who can make you feel better?

Those who believe in your ideals, those who help you achieve your dreams, those who stand by you no matter what. They say a flower doesn’t ask another flower when it blooms, it just does and that’s what we should remember, too.

 

At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how many likes and shares you get on social media platforms, but the laughters that circled your lips.

And remember:

“The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively” – Bob Marley

Love,

Csilla x

 

Labelling and questioning: is society doing the right thing?

Staying always positive is not easy.

Our personalities and thoughts are making us sometimes question even the daily routine – early mornings, hard works, home chores – it’s hard to always keep a positive perspective towards everything.  Having a discussion with one my closest friends today, I have realised one thing: I spent way too much time lately being negative.

People will always have something to say about somebody else: criticising their style, talking about love-life, making fun or even empathising with others’ feelings. However, I wonder , what does that makes us as human beings?

Are we flawless? No, we’re not.

We’re functional beings that always want the best from the future, always contemplating about positive outcomes, and most of the time – I have to admit it – doing every effort to adhere to the fulfilment of those outcomes. But now, looking at some of my friends, I realise that some worry too much about society’s opinions, about the tags and labels we’ve been given.

Someone at work just said today: “Why did you dress up? Are you going somewhere special?” And then I just realised that I don’t need to give any explanation to anyone.

And no, I wasn’t dressed up because I was going somewhere special, I just wore something nicer from my wardrobe because I felt like it. Simple as that.

I don’t need to dress up to impress, I dress up to feel positive and nice.

Women are like that.They like wearing accessories, nice dresses and fancy shoes. It’s the society that teaches us that we must always stay beautiful, always to be at our best. But maybe we don’t have to. Maybe we put on something nice just for ourselves, or maybe some days we don’t feel like doing anything. If you feel comfortable in your own skin and wearing something that says that, everyone will notice. People will start smiling more at you, because you smile more often and so on.

I think that people that say ugly things about others have a darkened soul as well; there’s no mistake in that. Building confidence always relies on the structure of the soul. There are people with beautiful and innocents spirits that haven’t been altered by evil thoughts and they sparkle in the everyday life, next to us, without being a label to the society. And then, there are the other people. Those who have a beautiful soul but they let the society taint it and let it become corrupt.

It is a sad reality and unfortunately, most people don’t realise this.

You just have to be yourself, believe in your own strength and just look brightly to the future. Taking on labels and making decisions based on what other people say will just make you question your position everywhere in life and will weaken your personality.

Always step up for yourself, speak proudly and be nice to others, there’s no losing in that!

via Pinterest
                                  via      Pinterest

Until next time,

Yours truly. x